Siouxland woman raises awareness of suicide prevention after deaths of brother, father – Sioux City Journal

LAKESIDE, Iowa Jenny Ahlers wants her younger brother Craig and her father Rick to be remembered for who they were and how they lived, not the fact that they died by suicide 12 years apart.

Craig Ahlers, 25, was a proud father who adored his baby daughter. He was independent, strong-willed and extremely competitive at darts, bowling and pool. He worked at feed mills and, later, Schoon Construction & Excavation in Cherokee.

"It didn't matter what he was doing, he was going to be the best at it," Ahlers said of her brother, whom she was very close with. The two even lived together for a time as adults. "He was always very driven in whatever he was into."

Rick Ahlers, 58, was just as determined as his son. He was an "amazing" electrician and handyman who could fix anything, according to Ahlers. "Papa Rick" added headlights and a horn to his grandchildren's Power Wheels and made Ahlers an automatic popup camper. Camping with his family in Spencer and Storm Lake was one of Rick's favorite pastimes.

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"He loved to help fix things for other people. It made him feel good," Ahlers said, as she sat in a beige recliner in her Lakeside home. A framed photo of a wide-smiling Rick sat on a TV cabinet nearby. "He always liked to make things more fun. If it was for the grandkids, he definitely went all out on making it awesome."

Jenny Ahlers holds a photo of her brother, Craig Ahlers, playing with her daughter Brooklyn Larson, who is now 23 years old and expecting a baby boy on Craig Ahlers' birthday.

Craig died first on Oct. 19, 2006, in Storm Lake. He is among the 1,031 Siouxlanders who lost their lives to suicide from 1999 to 2020. During that time frame, suicide was the 11th-leading cause of deathin the 21-county region, which includes Buena Vista County, according to data from the Centers from Disease Control and Prevention.

Eighty-five Siouxlanders died by suicide in 2020 alone, the highest number of suicide deaths in a single year overthat 22-year period. Such deaths increased 77% between 2019 to 2020, the year the region's suicide death rate per 100,000 people also topped the national rate by 44.6%.

Siouxlanders, overall, died by suicide at a rate slightly lower (4.1%) than the national average over those roughly two decades. The data shows the greatest number of suicide deaths in Siouxland, 143, was tallied among non-Hispanic white males ages 45 to 54, followed by non-Hispanic white males ages 25 to 34, 136. Males of all races accounted for 81.9% of such deaths in the region.

Jessica Barnes, community-based services administrator for Heartland Counseling Services in South Sioux City, said males tend to turn to more lethal means of suicide. White males, in particular, are less likely to seek help for a mental health condition, she said.

"Especially when you're talking about our region, rural areas -- just that mentality of, 'Pull up your bootstraps and deal with it and get through it' and 'Seeking help makes you weak,' or whatever types of beliefs that a person might have that would prevent them from reaching out," she said.

Before his death, Ahlers said her brother was busy working and being a new dad. He was "just living his life," according to Ahlers, who said she never thought Craig was depressed or that he would ever die by suicide.

Ahlers said depression and other mental health conditions are no different than any other illness, but she said the general public doesn't view it that way.

"You can't see mental illness in the same way you can see a broken bone or any type of injury. I don't feel like it's treated in the same manner and it's not given the same support that someone who is ill perhaps with cancer or something else is," she said.

Jenny Ahlers holds photos of her brother, Craig Ahlers, left, and father, Rick Ahlers, right, at her home in Lakeside, Iowa. Craig and Rick Ahlers both died by suicide.

Dr. Nesrin Abu Ata, a board-certified psychiatrist who practices at Rosecrance Jackson Centers in Sioux City, said the incidence of depression and anxiety, as well as substance use, has increased in Siouxland amid the pandemic.

"Depression is one of the top debilitating diseases; and with depression comes suicide. It's not just people dying of suicide, there's an increase in the burden of the mental health diseases," said Abu Ata, who noted that groups who have low access to mental health care, such as African Americans, Latinos, children, women and transgender people, are at greater risk of dying by suicide, as are those who are incarcerated or have comorbidities.

"And, then, you add to it the economy, a lot of the political, socio-cultural factors -- all that just fed into suicide. We think of suicide as a downstream kind of effect. It's the tip of the iceberg. But, there's all these things that are leading up to it."

In April, Heartland Counseling Services broke ground on a new 20,000-square-foot facility to help address a state-wide shortage of mental health providers and rising suicide rates. Over the past decade, Barnes said the need for staff at Heartland has steadily grown. She ties the increase in demand for services to the pandemic, as well as the rise of social media and more community awareness about mental health.

Barnes said sudden changes in behavior, such as increased irritability, withdrawal, isolation and direct and indirect suicidal statements are warning signs of suicide.

"If they're saying, 'Yes, please help me,' reaching out to any medical professional or any mental health professional is a good start," she said. "Sometimes, people are in such a bad state of mind that it's not that simple to just say, 'Let's go to an appointment.' If that's the case, they could reach out to a crisis line, like Heartland's."

Jessica Barnes, community-based services administrator for Heartland Counseling Services, is pictured in her South Sioux City office.In April, Heartland Counseling Services broke ground on a new 20,000-square-foot facility to help address a state-wide shortage of mental health providers and rising suicide rates.

Heartland's 24/7 crisis line, 402-494-7655 or 877-958-7776, is staffed by responders who screen all calls to assess the problem. If the problem is severe, the responder will contact the licensed mental health therapist on call to request that a crisis assessment be conducted.

Calling, texting or chatting 988 is another option. The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline connects individuals nationwide with a trained counselor who will listen to their problems, provide support and refer them to additional resources.

If you notice warning signs of an undiagnosed mental health condition in a loved one, Abu Ata said you shouldn't be afraid to talk to them about it.

"'If I talk about it, are they going to be sensitive? Is it going to put ideas in their head?' It doesn't," she said. "If you're worried about a loved one, talk to them."

Abu Ata said you can begin the conversation by simply asking, "How have things been?" Ask specifically about quality of sleep, eating habits and how work or school is going. Next, she recommends asking, "How do you think you are doing?" Then, Abu Ata advises bringing up the changes you have observed, before posing the question, "What do you think would help you best?"

Abu Ata said she would help an individual return to their "sense of community" by accompanying them to their church, gym or volunteer organization.

"We all want to feel like we are contributing to something bigger than ourselves and that we are worthwhile and have a purpose. That's the layman kind of intervention," she said. "If you're really worried about somebody, that's when you say, 'Let's go this clinic where you can get help' or 'Let's talk to the suicide hotline.'"

Three weeks after Craig's death, Ahlers said her father was involved in a serious car crash. He suffered disabling injuries and was no longer able to do maintenance work at Metal Works in Spencer, a job Ahlers said Rick loved.

"He was in the hospital for several months in Des Moines at a rehabilitation center learning how to do a lot of things again, but it didn't stop him. He was always very motivated to be better and do more," she said. "He was a fighter in many ways. He just did what he could when he could."

The anniversary of Craig's death was always a hard time for Rick, but Ahlers said her dad was particularly struggling with it in the fall of 2018. Rick was living in Laurens, a city in Pocahontas County, roughly 30 miles northwest of Storm Lake. Ahlers reached out to her dad; and the two communicated before he died on Oct. 21.

"Ultimately, I didn't think that I would lose him by suicide," Ahlers said, voicing quaking, as she wiped tears from her eyes. "I can't imagine being in the pain that he was in and that Craig was in and being in such a deep dark place that you feel that the world is better off without you in it. I can't imagine feeling that hopeless. It makes me extremely sad that he and Craig both were there, because the world was a better place with them here."

Ahlers said she was able to process the grief of her father's death differently than that of her brother's, because she didn't blame herself. Over the years, she said she has gone through counseling and participated in a number of mental health training sessions. Giving back to others has also helped Ahlers heal.

In August 2020, she officially established the Buena Vista County Suicide Prevention Coalition with Casey Orth-Nebitt, a friend who also lost a loved one to suicide. The women recognized a need for an organization in the community that would help reduce the stigma associated with suicide and promote healing, with the goal of ultimately eliminating suicide. The coalition consists of representatives from mental health counseling centers, the school district, media and others who have lost loved ones to suicide.

Ahlers said coalition members reach out to families in the community who have been impacted by suicide with caring baskets and a list of resources. The coalition hosted its first suicide prevention and family wellness 5K run/walk in the fall of 2021 and has another planned for Sept. 24 at Chautauqua Park in Storm Lake. Ahlers said participants will have the opportunity to write messages of hope in chalk on the path during the event.

"I don't want anyone to ever feel like they don't deserve to be here with all of us. I don't want anyone else's story to end too soon," she said.

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Siouxland woman raises awareness of suicide prevention after deaths of brother, father - Sioux City Journal