Atlanta Braves "Quietly" Make Big Time Additions on this 1st Day of April – Tomahawk Take

Feb 25, 2016; Glendale, AZ, USA; Chicago White Sox starting pitcher Jose Quintana (62) stretches during a workout at Camelback Ranch Practice Fields. Mandatory Credit: Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

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In two completely and independently separate deals, the Atlanta Braves traded for White Sox big arm Jose Quintana and signed free agent Angel Pagan.

The numbers on the Pagan signing are not in yet, but initial details leaked early this morning point to an unprecedented free agent contract!

Pagan looks to be the highest paid bench warmer in history, with a front-loaded deal in the $50 million range is signed through 2025. Thats an AAV of $5.5 million. Incentives for most splinters from bench received, maintaining the blonde hair for more than 3 months, and number of days not being used off the bench, range in the $1 million area.

Rumor has it the artist formerly known as B.J. Upton quipped, Ha! Thats easy money for him. I did less than that, and still made bank!

Former Braves second baseman, Dan Uggla, also commented on the signing warning Pagan. Meh, Uggla said. Hell still be left of the postseason roster in favor of Elliot Johnson.

In a move only heard about by me, the Braves traded TWO L-Screens, a bucket of commemorative Sun Trust Park marked baseballs, leftover game used dirt from Turner Field, and a copy of GM John Coppolellas new book entitled Arizona Falling: Every GM Can Be A Dave Stewart.

All of this went to the White Sox for touted pitcher, Jose Quintana. On the surface, this looks like a steal. However, the departure of both L-Screens leaves the Braves in a bind. They now have to pull from the indoor batting cages for the use of the screens.

Rookie Dansby Swanson was overheard mumbling in frustration, as he was informed, that because he is a rookie, now has to physically move the L-Screens back and forth.

But honestly, who can complain about this? Its Jose Quintana! Suck it up Dansby, sheesh, this is for the greater good.

If by now, you havent figured it out, Its April 1st, 2017, April Fools Day. Enjoy the rest of it, and remember, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. Tis but a ruse. Shenanigans. Utter non-sense.

Happy April Fools Day Everyone! Hope it was a good one!

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Atlanta Braves "Quietly" Make Big Time Additions on this 1st Day of April - Tomahawk Take