Dont assume its cannonball-friendly, bring a towel and other advice if you get invited to a pool party – Toronto Star

Most nights and weekends, my brother Aaron, and sister-in-law Alana host friends in their backyard. They have a space thats made for entertaining with a pool, a hot tub and a cabana with a washroom, local beers on tap, seating and a fridge. Not to mention, they have a killer sound system and my brother curates playlists to appeal to guests to set a good vibe.

Though theyre very generous, Ive heard my fair share of horror stories about guests who come over empty-handed, overstay their welcome or never extend a reciprocal invite.

So how do you give good guest, especially if you want to ensure you get invited back?

Dont ever come into my house, Alana joked when I asked her what her top tips are for guests. She said when the idea of a pool came up with Aaron, she said: Either we get a washroom outside or a live-in nanny.

Our washroom is at the front of the house so kids would have to walk all the way through, in their soaking swimsuits, Alana said. Our space outside is very limited but we found a way to put a washroom in, which was great during COVID so people could still come over without walking through the house, and saves me from having to clean up after people.

Another faux pas: those who hint at wanting an invite. Instead she suggests making plans in advance, and its a bonus if you or your kids entertain her young children. One of her favourite guests is my brothers friend Cory, his wife and their 13-year-old twins. Their kids get our kids to play games with them in the pool and they always offer to bring lunch like sushi or order food on an app directly to the backyard, Alana said. Were hosting so were always putting out drinks, but theyll help collect the plates and clean up. She said its nice when people offer to help clean up or get up to help unprompted.

One thing she can do without? Guests who bust out water guns and constantly squirt either the parents sitting at the cabana, or worse the glass and railing leading into her home. Because our pool is salt water it stains, so then I need to Windex all the stuff, Alana said. Overall, she suggests not being too rowdy, and if youre at a pool with your kids and theyre getting hyper or annoying, to step in.

Since my brother is a foodie and loves to prepare meals in his smoker or on his barbecue, its nice when guests bring popsicles, ice cream or order an end of meal treat. My brother-in-law, for example, always orders the whole family McFlurrys or Blizzards from Dairy Queen after we eat, allowing everyone to choose what they want; a total mensch move.

A not-so-cute move? When you tell your host youre going to bring something and then dont. A guest once said she was bringing a couple salads, so I didnt buy the ingredients or plan to make a side dish, then she showed up without it, which put me in an uncomfortable situation, because I would have prepared accordingly otherwise, Alana said. Instead of getting to hang out with her guests, she was in the kitchen stressed out trying to put something together for everyone.

Apart from bringing food, you could bring the host a gift, said Amanda Alvaro, president of Pomp & Circumstance. Some gift ideas she suggests are a trendy floaty for the pool, a set of summery napkins, a pretty outdoor candle or some patio-friendly tumblers.

Alvaro has three children under the age of eight, and is often hosting family friends in the backyard of her Rosedale home. If bringing food, she suggests bringing light finger foods, like fruit skewers or a crudits board with dip, so kids can run out of the pool and just grab it easily. For drinks, she suggests bringing flavoured water, sparkling lemonade, or ready to drink canned cocktails to avoid glass.

Alvaro said she provides all the essentials: towels, sunscreen, food and beverages to stay hydrated in the sun. That said, etiquette expert Lisa Orr said guests shouldnt assume a host will provide everything and should bring their own towels. Giving your host extra laundry after a visit isnt the best way to say thank you for having me, Orr said.

She also said not every event is cannonball friendly, so follow your hosts lead in terms of the vibe of their pool party. And sure, its nice to let the host take care of you, but keep in mind they want to relax too.

Finally, both hosts and Orr agree that guests shouldnt linger and should read the room on when its time to go. If youre invited over for lunch, try not to overstay your welcome in the hopes youll get a dinner invite too! Alana said.

Im not sure how it started, but a hilarious thing she and Aaron do is play the song Closing Time, by Semisonic, when its time for my family to pack up and head out. We definitely get lost in the joy that is their children, the backyard and the whole vibe and often we dont even realize how quick the day has passed. This song is like a not-so-subtle cue to wrap it up and has become a family tradition; we all sing along with the song as we pack up and head out.

If all else fails, and guests dont get the gist that its time to go, Alana says she grabs the last of the towels and plates and simply says: OK, Im going in. When leaving, she suggests making sure youve packed everything up, so youre not co-ordinating with the host how to get your wet bathing suit or towel back a week later.

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Dont assume its cannonball-friendly, bring a towel and other advice if you get invited to a pool party - Toronto Star