Exasperated Plumber Explains To Kanye West Why Flushing Awards Bad For Toilet – The Onion

CALABASAS, CAReaching into the multi-platinum artists overflowing pipes and pulling out several feces-and-toilet-paper-covered trophies, exasperated local plumber Larry DeGroot explained to Kanye West Thursday why flushing large metal awards was bad for his toilet. Well, I think I found the problem, and that clanking metal noise youre hearing probably has something to do with all the Grammys, BET Awards, and Moonman you have clogging up the works, said DeGroot, who after using a snake to extract the dozens of honorary doctorates, certificates, and framed albums from the system, shook his head in disbelief when he found a full 6-feet long Teen Choice Award surfboard banging around in the septic tank. Look pal, Im not trying to shame you, but mashing these metal trophies around with a toilet brush or pouring down a ton of Drano is just going to cost you another 1,000 bucks. Trust me, I dealt with the same thing at John Williams house. The worst thing you can do is ignore the problem and keep relieving yourself on top of it until it builds up too much pressure and explodes. At press time, DeGroot added that it didnt seem to be all Kanyes fault, as there also seemed to be several red-carpet gowns, large diamonds, and designer leather pumps flushed down the toilet.

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Exasperated Plumber Explains To Kanye West Why Flushing Awards Bad For Toilet - The Onion