The Yankees can make us all happy they exist. All they have to do is call up a Triple-A pitcher throwing well this year.

Yankees fans: Your team is annoying.

You wouldn't think that's a controversial statement, but every time I write something that even dances around a suggestion of a hint of an implication of that theme, I get emails. I get nasty tweets. It surprises me every time. Embrace it, Yankees fans. Embrace it. It's one part being better than everyone over the last century, one part getting more attention than everyone over the last century. Those are good things. Your team is annoying because of things that make you happy.

My team is annoying, too. The Giants weaponized Barry Bonds and sent him out into the world, and they've also had recent success in the postseason. Both of those things bother a lot of people. They're not as annoying as the Yankees, but, ha ha, no one is. It's not a bad thing. Embrace it or get used to people laughing at you when you get upset. Either way, just know that this is an objective truth.

For the last two seasons, the rest of us have had to follow retirement tours. All we want are baseball highlights, yet we have to sit through videos of Derek Jeter accepting alabaster gazebos and pretending to be grateful. This comes a year after watching Mariano Rivera going from ballpark to ballpark, accepting 500-pound pewter M&Ms he didn't want.

The Yankees are literally fighting for a playoff spot right now, which is absurdly annoying. They're playing a mummy at shortstop and almost every player they have is hurt or ineffective. They've been outscored by 25 runs on the season, giving them the same expected win-loss record as the Padres. Instead, they're fighting for their 18th playoff appearance of the last 20 years.

Yankees fans: Your team is annoying.

But there's a way the team can make it up to us. Well, partially make it up to us. It would take decades and decades of losing before the other 29 teams became totally sympathetic toward the Yankees, but there's a way to make us root for the Yankees on September 1. All they have to do is call up a Triple-A pitcher who has performed well at almost every stop of the minor leagues. Look at these stats:

Those are delightful stats. If the Yankees make room on the 40-man roster for this pitcher, everyone will root for him. Everyone will at least be curious about him, curious enough to tune into a Yankees broadcast for reasons other than hate-watching.

Here is a screenshot from that player'sBaseball-Reference page:

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The Yankees are annoying, but they can make it up to us

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August 29, 2014 at 2:02 am by Mr HomeBuilder
Category: Gazebos