On Below Deck Med, guests service themselves while chef sleeps and captain texts – reality blurred

Aboard the Mustique, the same drama is brewing as during Below Deck Med season nines premiere. Yes, buckle in for another episode about sandwiches and slacks.

When we left Ellie and Jono, he was saying, Bitch, are you stupid? This is not going to be good for you.

So Gael helped Ellie made sandwiches, and the children came down in their swim jammies to the kitchen and helped.

Meanwhile, Ellie had help at the bar from bartender Google, and then her guests. Were teaching you, Ben said, which is both true and kinda an indictment on her cocktail training.

I will give these charter guests credit: despite this trip being a disaster (for them, not for us), their complaints were valid, and they also still had a great time.

Wed rather fix something than complain, Simon said when he went into the kitchen. Simon says: make your own midnight snack. Simon says: teach the bartender how to make drinks. Wake up the chef! Gotcha, Ellie!

Speaking of the charter guests, shortly after last weeks episode, I was browsing the TikTok, as one does, and almost immediately TikTok delivered a video starring two of them, the gay couple, Nick and Anthony, or NickandAnt. They apparently perform their relationship for the Internet, and good for them.

Ellie pulled an all-nighter, which later earned a light reprimand from Aesha. But it gave time for Ellie to share stories of her mother telling her, We do not have money for no goddamn Barbie house.

Jono finally awakened after his 42 hours of beauty rest, and declared to us, I am happy I did not betray myself. Ah yes: betrayal by brioche.

Then he told us, growing up in the closetI have to stick with myself. I, too, grew up in the closet, and I, too, dislike waking up in the middle of the night to make wealthy influencers snacks, so I guess that is a gay thing now. Happy pride!

The next morning, Iain told Sandy about the Ellie trying to wake the chef, so I guess his job on board is chief tattle-tale. He later told us that I like to teach and recounts a story of teaching someone to surf and being thrilled by that smile on his face.

Sandy demonstrated why shes a captain by getting the provisioner whos in charge. In an epic scene, she took out her phone andhold onsent a text asking politely when the provisions would arrive. Later this evening, the provisioner texted back.

Sandy put her foot right down: Thats going to be too late for us. She also sent a Bitmoji of her riding a whale holding bottles of ros.

Aesha gave a pep talk to one of her stews, and Sandy noticed and gave her a compliment. You gotta lift them up, Aesha said. Sandy said, You know most people arent aware of that?

Then she texted the provisioner: Youre the best provisioner in the world. I will tell all my fellow TV show captains about you.

Jono also tattled, to Aesha: They tried to wake me up last night, he said. They, ouch. Aesha said, well and added, to be fair, thats the only thing they wanted: late-night snacks.

And then, friends, came the most damning piece of Below Deck Mediterranean evidence possible: a highlighted portion of the preference sheet, which clearly said that the guests wanted late-night snacks.

And then flash back to the preference sheet meeting when Jono said, If theres any cooked snacks, obviously, Ill take care of it. Obviously!

What I do not understand is why Aesha and Ellie didnt grab the preference sheet and demand Jono and Captain Sandy read it. Also, weve seen other chefs be awakened! Its part of their job!

I cannot recall a specific moment of that happening on Below Deck Med, but I also bailed on the show during the Joo years, which were so toxic Im surprised the EU didnt demand Bravo clean up the Mediterranean.

Jono redeemed himself by making a spectacular breakfast special: avocado toast with poached egg, which is coincidentally two-thirds of what the guests made for themselves hours earlier.

In Jonos defense, he did make toast, and did not draw a line at toasting. Yaaas queen!

Sandy called Jono to the bridgenot to point out his failure to do his job, but to say shed protect him in the future. When you go to bed, youre down, she said, though she also told us that if someone needs food of course, go get the chef unless the chefs been down, [then] dont wake the chef. She also said, I do expect Jonathan to make the food from this point forward.

So Captain Sandy is as confused as the guests, who asked for ros, apparently imagining that the ros fairy came last night while they were sleeping.

While the primary, Jacobwho a commenter pointed out is currently on season two of Milf Manor (with his dad)filmed a TikTok video in his budgie smugglers, a new plan was devised.

Sandy sent the deck team to go ask another superyacht for ros. Ill give you some money, Sandy radioed, giving several 100 euro bills to Joe.

Do whatever it takes, she told him. Oh good call, Sandy: Tell Joe and Nathan that and instead of spending the cash, theyll trade wine for finger-blasts.

While everyone gathered to watch the blasting going on, one guest said, Ill piss on your face, yeah. Maybe he should have been on the tender.

Nathan and Joe rolled up and asked to buy wine, and the captain agreed: for 75 a bottle. They came back with five bottles, and will forevermore be heroes. Sandy told Iain, You got the wine. Well done.

When she wasnt busy assigning praise to the wrong team member(s), Captain Sandy continued her tireless efforts to bend the provisioning company to her will. They asked if they could bring stuff by, you know, tonight, and oh did Sandy let them have it!

Thats too late, she texted back. Sick burn! We heard her say theyre fucking fired, but that was not sent in a text.

Meanwhile, Ellie and Jono were strengthening their relationship: Ellie: They love the food. Jono: Great.

And Bri was adapting to her job. Everything about adulting scares me, she said. So third stew is either the best possible job or the worst one. Id bet she does not last all season.

Nicks pants didnt last all charter; he couldnt find them. Ive checked my friends room. I dont want to be doing that, he told Ellie, who told Bri and Aesha.

Bri cried in her room, which helped get the laundry done faster. But she wasnt crying because Aesha sent her a stern text; no, Aesha said that endless nagging will just cause Bri to shut down, so shes trying lots of compliments instead.

Ideas for compliments:

I did have Have a nice trip? on that list after Bri tripped over the threshold, but then we saw she actually cut her toe, and so thatd just be mean.

While she was being bandaged, we learned Bri calls Joe Eyebrows and Nathan Teeth, though you can just shortcut and call them both Fingerbang.

The deck crew got the ship to shore without destroying any property, though there was some delay with the lines using the windless, which I learned is a metal thingy that pulls rope.

It is muscle until I am in the berth, Sandy told the deck crew.

On the dock, giving what I am sure is producer-mandated criticism to the crews faces, primary guest Jacob said, We had such an amazing time, and went over and shook Jonos hand. I would too: Where else can you get toast and an egg?

Jacob did say that the lack of provisions obviously was a little disappointing, and mentioned the laundry problems, and that was it.

So now it was time to find out how well Instagramers and influencers tip. Do they pay in exposure since theyre so used to people asking them to do things for free?

Well, first it was time for Aesha to use the loo and tell everyone, I just did a poo that was that long, and hold her hands out to be about as wide as Jonos bunk.

The tip was 13,000, which is low for Below Deck but decent for a shorter charter in which the boat had no supplies.

Sandy told the crew never wake the chef and dont wake the chef and when Ellie was like WTF Sandy said, well, maybe on big boats, and maybe on boats Ive captained, but not now. Jono is going to pre-make sandwichesbut leave the toasting to the crew.

Despite the public reprimand, Jono told Ellie again not to wake him, and then called his boyfriend, David, an opera singer, and told him the best part of their trip was me and this bitch is going to drive me crazy. This season is refreshingly clear of toxic masculinity so far so maybe we can cool it there, Jono? All she did was ask you to do your job like youd promised to do.

The crew got dressed up to go out, and the montage showed Iain flexing his pecs, which I guess is why he was cast, because it sure wasnt for anything else.

They at dinner with a view of the Acropolis and the stews chests. Aesha and Gael chatted about relationships, and Aesha said, Theres so much cheating in yachting.

So Gael and Nathan set about cheating. I havent given you a strawberry yet. Can I do it tonight? Gael asked Nathan. In an interview, a producer wanted to know if that was a euphemism, and Nathan said, You will eventually find out Nathan said.

Their texts to each other revealed as much: We need to lose these cameras, Nathan allegedly texted, along with Where should we meet that has no cameras? Gael said that storage locker had no cameras, so they should meet there. All this for a few wee strawberries, she said, and I think that was even before she saw Nathan naked.

We ended with a to be continued title card, which is really doing a lot of work, because thats quite a weak cliffhanger. I dont care to watch drunken behavior on reality TV, but Below Decks crew nights out usually 1) rehash drama and 2) create new drama.

So far, this crew is doing neither; a hook-up, even if one person has a boyfriend, is nothing for this show. Maybe Sandy can send them a text and tell them to pick up up next week? What will arrive first: the provisions or the drama?

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On Below Deck Med, guests service themselves while chef sleeps and captain texts - reality blurred