Landlord Informs Tenants Of Upcoming Improvements To His Lake House – The Onion

CHICAGOAlerting occupants that the private residence would be undergoing maintenance and remodeling, local landlord Keith Witman informed his tenants Tuesday of upcoming improvements to his lake house. Im emailing to let you all know that over the coming months, I will be making extensive upgrades to my weekend home, wrote Witman, explaining that construction on his house in Lake Geneva, WI, which would be expanded to include a spa area and movie theater, should not cause any disruptions for tenants of the aging apartment building he owns in Chicago. While Ive been made aware of the burst pipe in your buildings basement, just know that I am currently working around the clock to fix the much smaller leak in my lake house before its slow drip causes a stain to form on the polished marble tiles of the guest room hot tub. The cost overruns of these vacation home updates will unfortunately require me to raise rents throughout your building by 35%. At press time, Witman also notified residents that the super would not be reachable for the next several months, as his full-time services were needed onsite at the lake house.

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Landlord Informs Tenants Of Upcoming Improvements To His Lake House - The Onion