The worst albums I heard in 2013

Before we deck the halls with boughs of holly and haul the holy back onto the decks for another listen - or, er, make a Best of the Year list before Christmas - I figured we should clear the decks, clean out the halls, dust off and dispose of the worst of the year. So here, now, are theworst albums I had to hear in 2013. Clink on the link of each item for the full review. Or make do with the prcis. Argue below and/or commiserate - at least you didn't have to work through all this muck.

And So I Watch You From Afar, All Hail Bright Futures: This is like a jewellery box and a slot machine started f**king and we're left with the porno-sleaze soundtrack that turned them on. AnikaBoh& Hollie, Peace of Mind: Acoustic shows (which weren't really acoustic at all and then the promoter panicked and rebranded the tour halfway through) then the winery tour with Fat Freddy's Drop and The Adults; what's next - a set of shows with the symphony orchestra? Careful what you don't wish for. This album is irrelevant on its own merit, what it is instead is an instant piece of tour mech.

Arcade Fire, Relektor: I hear music that is dressed up to seem profound, music with long intros, and outros, with just-competent jam-moments that flake away without ever getting funky. And I hear far too many f**king bongos.

Armin Van Buuren, Intense: I thought I'd left MTV on and there was a marathon of the one dance music track they play between their reality TV show marathons. And then I realised I never watch that s**t. Just like I'll never listen to this s**t again.

Badd Energy, Underwater Pyramids: It's hard to believe this isn't a debut. It's a second album...apparently.

Caro Emerald, The Shocking Miss Emerald: ...sounds like Lily Allen was forced to sniff an ether rag, got clubbed ont eh head and up to find herself trapped in a glass display case at Baz Luhrmann's house, made to sing and dance on the hour, every hour.

Congo Natty, Jungle Revolution: Big squelching bass farts dominate and it all feels like a surreal hangover from the student flatting daze.

Cut/Copy, Free Your Mind: The only reason this might fill some time, put a wiggle in your stride while you stand in line outside the club that's so hot right now for a week or two is because you've never heard the worst of New Order or the filler that Happy Mondays and Primal Scream plugged their albums up with.

Darwin Deez, Songs For Imaginative People: Natural selection says we won't hear a whole lot more from Darwin Deez - you can bet he won't send his fans a postcard from the Hamptons; he'll probably disappear there for two concurrent summers sometime soon on the family's credit card, write a book, sniff some roses. And peyote.

David Bowie, The Next Day: I kept listening - I even bought the vinyl. That didn't make a difference. I traded the record back in. Ultimately a very boring album with two good songs.

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The worst albums I heard in 2013