The View From Planet Kerth: Model homes force a welcome to the New Stone Age

I spend a lot of time in model homes. Way more time than a man should have to spend in one, especially since I live in a home less than five years old.

But the problem is that I dont live in that new home all by myself. I live in it with a wife who has shared one home or another with me for the last 45 years, and she likes to visit model homes even if the home we are currently living in suits us fine and might be newer than the model.

But as they say, Happy wife, happy life, so I spend a lot of time in model homes. With her. Trying to make sure that she isnt signing papers with a real estate agent behind my back and then coming home to tell me that we should start packing.

I dont really know why she loves visiting model homes so much. Maybe its just to see if we might be doing better than we are currently doing another reason I go with her, just in case there may be other men hanging around those models. I know she could be doing better in that department, but thats a secret Id rather keep her from realizing.

Or maybe she likes to hang around model homes to see whats going on this week in the home dcor department. She does spend a lot of time gazing at the wall treatments, or the color schemes or the cabinet handles.

But I dont know why she would want to study any of those things in the models, because to my way of thinking the home builders should be hiring her to provide the finishing touches. She has always had a knack for interior dcor, and even if one of her ideas sounds crazy when she explains it to me, it always blows me away when I see her hang it on the wall or stand it in the corner.

But lately Ive started to worry about our visits to the models, because my wife has been spending way too much time caressing the granite countertops. And these days theres no chance that you will go into a new model without finding granite countertops. Or tile floors. Or marble backsplashes.

Because when it comes to keeping your home current and up-to-date, welcome to the New Stone Age. Youre not really living in a modern home unless youre a neo-cave dweller.

I finally relented and had some guy come in to take a look at our countertops and let us know how red my bank account would bleed if we wanted to fully stonify our kitchen.

The guy walked into the kitchen to take a look around with a tape measure, and he was polite enough to say, Wow, your counters look pretty good as they are. My wife wasnt in the room at the time, or hed have limped back to the car. Missing an eye or two.

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The View From Planet Kerth: Model homes force a welcome to the New Stone Age